


Candy Banks

by Miramise



Series: I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends [9]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Mild Language, Post RE6, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 06:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21266411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miramise/pseuds/Miramise
Summary: Leon disliked Halloween. Check that, hehatedHalloween.  Fortunately, someone else does, too.





	Candy Banks

**Author's Note:**

> This is sliding in before midnight PDT, so it's still Halloween. Absolutely no beta. I may as well have written this directly in the ao3 box. A silly thing I hope you enjoy.

Leon disliked Halloween. Check that, he _hated_ Halloween. Sure as a kid it'd been great. As a teen, the few parties he went to were pretty fun. Then Raccoon City happened.

Halloween was the _last_ holiday he wanted to celebrate after that.

So he declined Claire's invitation to join her and Helena to some children's charity event. Chris got roped into that one and Claire wasn't letting him get out of it. Leon didn't know the details, but apparently, the adults were all dressed up as superheroes, and Claire said their Captain America was sick and Chris was the only one who could fit the costume and did he "really want to disappoint the kids?" At least that's what the blond heard Claire say as she was pushing her still complaining brother out the door. Leon considered himself lucky not to be forced into that. And thankful Claire was aware of his aversion to the holiday.

Sherry, Piers, and Jake were going to a separate event. Some ball or masquerade, Leon couldn't remember and honestly didn't care. Sherry was excited, but he could understand; she never got to properly enjoy Halloween as a kid and was making up for lost times. Piers was neutral but enjoyed seeing Sherry's enthusiasm and let himself get pulled along. Jake seemed as put-out with it as Leon, but somehow got roped into going despite complaining about it not being his speed and couldn't he just throw candy at the brats coming to the door instead.

Again, Leon felt fortunate that he claimed that job first.

On any other day, he knew they would manhandle him into a car and just drive, his wants be damned. Only the loudest of shouts could force them away when he just was _not_ feeling it. Tonight, however, those who knew let Leon be, and for that he was grateful. Plus, he even had a solid game plan to avoid trick-or-treaters.

One stop at Costco saw him with a shitton of candy and his wallet a couple hundred dollars lighter.

He had plans for the leftovers.

Once everything had been set up, Leon was enjoying—for lack of a better word—a Scooby Doo marathon due to nothing decent being on, settled against Sherry's couch with some frozen pizza and root beer, safely locked inside. On the front steps was a bucket with a sign of "take one" that he knew nobody would obey. Every hour Leon just checked the levels and refilled the bucket as needed. So far he didn't need to interact with one human being, which was his intended goal. And while Leon knew people were _definitely_ taking more than one, they weren't robbing him blind, so he considered tonight a success, bad cartoons be damned.

Which made his heart plummet that much harder when he heard a knock at the door. This morphed into confusion when he heard a familiar voice yelling not a second later.

"Open up, Pantene, I don't have my keys!"

"The hell...?" Leon muted the tv before making his way from the couch to the front door. He yanked it open to find Jake standing there in jeans and t-shirt glory, a black bandana covering the lower half of his face. "Jake? I thought you were with Sherry and Piers." The blond stepped aside as he spoke to let Jake in. The younger man snorted as he moved, letting Leon close the door behind him.

"If I had to stay one more minute surrounded by a bunch of pompous fuckers who think spending a thousand dollars on a ticket to some overpriced event to get a tax write-off and feel good about themselves because it's 'for charity', I was going to murder-ify them all." Jake managed all that in one breath, which impressed Leon who could relate to the feeling. "Sherry thought I was joking until I stole some silverware and started sharpening it, so she let me go. Guess some of those nut-suckers would have a hard time getting the blood out of their tacky masks. Oh, wait, they'd just have the servants do it. Didn't think of that. Wouldn't want to make any more work for the poor sobs who have to deal with them."

"Right." Again, Leon understood and didn't judge the redhead in the least. He'd been there before himself on numerous occasions. "Well, I can say it's pretty quiet here with my setup. The pizza's fresh from freezer to oven to plate. There's frozen chicken strips if you feel like sticking them in the toaster oven. Got root beer and ginger ale. Not much on tv if you don't want to look at horror, which I don't." Leon waved Jake over towards the couch. "Get comfortable. Won't even have to worry about the doorbell, and I know it's getting near the time kids head home soon."

"Yeah, I noticed the bucket." Jake went and flopped down into the couch, groaning as he let his head fall against the back. "You know nobody pays attention to those signs, right? I'm surprised there was as much candy still left in it, really."

"Oh, it's emptied a few times. I just refill it and keep going." Leon sat down in his previous spot and unmuted the tv. Soon as he saw what Leon had on, Jake snorted.

"Bottom of the barrel, much?"

"I've been told Scooby Doo is considered classic cartooning," Leon answered with a sniff. He sighed a moment later. "Why that is I'll never know. I feel my IQ dropping with every episode."

"Wonder you're not brain-dead by now." Jake slapped Leon on the knee as he stood up. "Right, I'll grab Sherry's laptop and we'll get a proper marathon going."

Leon couldn't say he liked the sounds of that. "I really don't feel like looking at any horror flicks, Jake," he called after the other when Jake went into Sherry's office.

"Didn't say anything about horror," Jake hollered back. He came out with Sherry's private laptop; a bright purple thing that she kept separate from her work. "No worries, hero, we're watching something way better than someone getting their guts ripped out."

That was imagery Leon didn't need in his head. "So what are we watching, then?" The grin emerging on Jake's face wasn't doing nice things to Leon's nerves. "Jake?"

"Saddle up, cause we're watching some fucking pretty princesses."

~~~

"Really? Ariel's your favourite?"

Leon was queuing up another Disney moving after watching 'The Little Mermaid'. The next choice was his and the agent wanted to give it some thought.

"What? I think she's spunky. And you know, redhead solidarity." Jake frown and side-eyed the older man. "You got a problem with that?"

"Not at all. Just thought you might go for Sleeping Beauty. But then that might just be me since I think she's got the better prince." Leon checked the list and decided on original flavour Lion King. "I think I'm being cheated, though. Just because she's a lion, Nala can't be a princess? That's unfair."

"I don't make the rules. Blame Kingdom Hearts for that. I think the whole 'who's a princess' deal started with them." Jake grabbed a slice of pizza and shoved it under his bandana to eat. "Though I can't agree with them making Alice one."

"Exactly! Alice isn't even royalty and they got her as a princess. Nala totally should have been one. It's quadruped discrimination." Leon sat back as the movie queued up. "She's smarter than most of them anyway, and a hell of a lot more useful."

"I'm the choir here, man. And I can appreciate any woman who can rip out someone's jugular, so I feel you." Jake chuckled, but it faded when he noticed a group of trick-or-treaters raiding the bucket before running off. "Damn, I thought the little bastards were done."

"Eh, they'll stop at some point. Not like I didn't plan for this." Leon got up and grabbed one of the bulk-sized bags he got early and emptied the last of it into the bucket outside. "Honestly, this will probably be the last time."

"Hmph. They already got more than enough," Jake grumbled. He said nothing more as the cartoon started, only to growl fifteen minutes later when he saw another raid on the bucket, this time by teens taking way more than necessary. "Alright, that's enough. Time to close down the candy bank." He jabbed pause on the laptop before standing up and unlocking the door.

"Jake, they're just... seriously, what are you going to do?" Leon grew nervous when he saw Jake hadn't opened the door yet, just hovering with his hand on the knob. The younger man flipped his bandana from the lower half of his face to the upper-half, though Leon couldn't see with Jake's back to him. "Jake..."

"No worries, hero. Just gonna make sure they tell their friends we're closed."

Leon thought he should say something, at the very least make sure Jake didn't permanently traumatise anyone. In truth, the blond was getting tired of refilling the bucket and wanted to call it a night for the candy train as well. So he kept his peace and watched to see how it played out. Minutes later another group of teens walked up. Leon thought he saw a couple of them before as well and figured they must have brought some friends to grab more. Just as they reached for the bucket, Jake yanked the door open. Leon couldn't hear nor see what Jake did, but the screams echoed clearly as the group all took off. Jake grabbed the bucket and pulled it inside before flipping his bandana back down and turning off the porchlight.

"Mission complete," he said, grinning behind the mask. "By the way, excellent candy selection. No wonder the little bastards were trying to grab some more."

The blond groaned. "Do I have to worry about a bill for someone's therapist, now?"

"What? It's Halloween. They should expect some spooks, right?"

Leon folded his arms across his chest and stared at the younger man. Jake returned it, then sighed.

"You're no fun." With that, Jake flipped his bandana back up so Leon could see just what the teens saw. The underside of the bandana had two mouths laying directly over where Jake's eyes would be, while his lips had been carefully painted to look like a very realistic eye. A slow smile curled those lips before parting to show sharp fangs and a tongue with too much red on it. Leon could see why the teens ran while appreciating the scare Jake gave them. He gave in to the laugh blooming under his chest.

"Okay, you win," the blond admitted. "That? That's priceless. Take a pic before washing that off."

"You got it." Jake flopped back onto the couch. "Pass the root beer and let's not admit Jeremy Irons has a sexy voice."

"Agreed." Leon passed him a bottle while taking one for himself. The two clinked them together and settled in.

All in all, Leon thought it had been a pretty good Halloween.

♡

**Author's Note:**

> This was part inspired by wanting to write a Halloween drabble (hah, drabble), and mostly inspired by headcanon #325 from [Useless Resident Evil Headcanons](https://dumbresiheadcannons.tumblr.com/) which you should check out because there's a lot of funny ones there.


End file.
